Cosmonaut
by someone'sbunny
Summary: A boy, just becoming a man, must come to terms with his dreams being made obsolete. NarutoxSakura
1. The Distance between Worlds

_... because every story begins with the end of another._

_ I guess after writing all of this, I realize that I never really did much of anything. I suppose if there is anything I regret, it's that. Then again, it's not like I could do anything about it – I really wasn't good at much. Although, I suppose if there is something I did well it was dreaming. I dreamt big dreams. I was never smart enough, or strong enough, or skilled enough to do anything the way everyone wanted me to, so I guess my dream of being a cosmonaut was a bit much, but I travelled the stars in my own way. I was never sure about how to show you, but this is enough, I think. I always wondered if you thought I was as great as I figured I could be. I hope you did, even just a bit. _

_ You loved me once, too. More than him, I'm sure of it. I think about it all the time, though you probably don't remember ever feeling the way I do. Then again, you probably don't remember because it never really turned out that way. _

_Even so, it felt real to me. _

_ I'm not making any sense..._

_ What I mean to say is that I dream about you too. You and me. All the time. _

_I still do._

- END of MESSAGE -

* * *

**COSMONAUT**

**Year 2112**

**Spring**

The television buzzed:

_... and the Mars Terraforming Project continues at a rapid pace. The first agricultural labourers are expected to depart for the Red Planet in not much more than 3 months. _

Outside, a rusty, old pickup truck rolled into the muddy driveway of a small country home in the middle of fields of barley. The sun was barely up, but its light was peeking through the horizon, giving the barley a sort of artificial incandescence.

A young girl stepped out and huffed. No one was waiting on the porch.

"Idiot, let's go!" She called out.

"Just a second... come look at the news. Come quick!"

The girl furrowed her eyebrows and grumbles to herself. This was the regular morning routine. She made her way into the front door and turned to the hunched figure in front of the television.

"What did I just say?"

"Wait Sakura, I just wanna see this next part! Just a few minutes, please!"

_ Experts have concluded that at the pace we are going, we will have completed the project in less than 4 years, beating the estimated time of the complete depletion of the ozone layer by a whole 14 years! This leaves us with ample time to transport the entire human population to our new home in space! _

"Goddammit, Naruto! You said that yesterday and we were late! We'll be late again today if you don't hurry up! Besides, we still have to pick up Sasuke, and his house is across town, so let's go!"

"Oh my god, relax, Sakura, please, it's just school. Besides, in 14 years it won't even exist anymore..."

"If you knew how to count, you'd have realized that it would actually be about 18 years, but regardless of whether its 18 or 14, we'll have graduated before then! Life will continue, whether its here or on Mars of wherever!" She said between gritted teeth.

"Okay, okay fine," Naruto snorted, "Uncle, we're leaving!

He looked at her and raised his eyebrow, "Well, what are you waiting for? Let's go already or we'll be late."

_ The estimated completion time of the so-called "ARK Shuttles" being built all over the world is approximately 6 years – Just enough time for Mars colony to give the new residential areas their finishing touches. Truly a triumph in..._

Naruto turned off the television, picked up his jacket, and opened the front door. He held it open with his foot as Sakura reached into her bag for the car keys. Naruto followed her as she made her way to the old pickup truck.

"Always stressing me out, every morning..." Sakura muttered under her breath as she stepped next to the truck on the driver's side, "You guys are lucky to still have me picking you up every day, despite the fact that you guys are such a pain in my ass..."

"Oh please," Naruto said in a sing-song voice as he shoved his bag into the cab, "I'm the brightest part of your morning and the sexiest part of your week, and besides..."

"Please shut up."

"... your world just won't be the same without me."

* * *

**Chapter One**

_The Distance between Worlds_

"You dumbass, now I'm gonna miss my show!" Sakura yelled into Naruto's ear.

He visibly recoils.

"I said I was sorry, dammit!"

"One hour in detention! One hour I won't be getting back! Stupid Naruto! It's because of you we were late again!"

"I said...!"

Behind them, Sasuke laughs. He runs his finger through his black hair as the wind blows past. Sakura moves from a fast walk to a trot as she rushes into the school parking lot still muttering curses under her breath. The boys stop at the entrance to wait for her. Naruto scratches his head. He feels a tap on his shoulder.

"Want one?" Sasuke asked, pushing a pack of cigarettes in front of Naruto.

"Sure," Naruto replies as he puts one between his lips and lights it. He takes a deep puff and looks at Sasuke out of the corner of his eye.

"Sasuke, you should teach your girlfriend how to calm down, she'll have a heart attack by the time she's 20 at the rate she's going."

"Yeah, that is, if she's lucky," Sasuke laughs, "You should see her when she's the one that makes a mistake. 18 and a half, tops."

The boys both laugh in agreement.

Naruto looks out toward the horizon at a sky seemingly set ablaze by the waning sun. It reminds him of oil pastels on canvas. A mix of orange hues, smudged together by delicate finger tips. He's not sure whether it is a distant memory of his mother, or just a hazy dream he had on a lazy summer morning. The more he wonders, the more it occurs to him that he no longer remembers his dreams. He frowns in puzzlement of the thought. _Why, I wonder?_

Then he remembers the precious friend who taught him how to paint.

"You should take her to the fair next week," Naruto mumbles.

Sasuke looks at Naruto. His eyes widen with surprise, which he suppresses immediately. He shuffles his feet in the dirt slightly as he fumbles with his words.

"What...? You mean Sakura?" he glances at Naruto who does not respond, "I, uh, yeah, I guess I should."

"When I know she's killing herself over something, I try to bring snacks and movies to her house, just to take the edge off, you know? I worry about her sometimes..."

Sasuke bites his lip and looks at Naruto again. Naruto simply stood there, watching the sky, stone faced and stoic. Naruto absentmindedly fixes his shirt and turns his attention towards Sakura as he hears the the low rumble of the old pickup truck starting its engine.

"All the time, Naruto. You're always worrying about her," Sasuke remarks. He looks at Naruto for a reaction, but there is none. Naruto was preoccupied in watching Sakura back the truck out of the school parking lot. Sasuke cautiously places a hand on Naruto's shoulder.

"Naruto... Are you alright? Are we cool?"

Naruto turns his head. Sasuke's brows are furrowed, head tilted in concern.

"What do you mean? Of course we are," he shrugs.

Sasuke frowns and looks at his friend. He takes a deep breath as he conjures into his mind the memories of an old rivalry. Suddenly he feels very old.

"No, I mean... are we really? I know how you feel about her. You've always..." his tongue ties; he swallows hard, "... and then I..."

"I know. It's fine. I know how she feels about you... So it's fine. It's not like you and I aren't friends now, right? It's not like she's mine to take or give away either. I just want to be sure that she's gonna be alright, that's all," he chuckles, "You worry too much about me."

"You always do that," Sasuke sighs, "And just when I finally found the balls to apologize to you."

"Don't bother with that," Naruto says with a smile, "Who says I'll forgive you anyway?"

* * *

Naruto sat in the cab of the truck while Sakura drove. He lazily looked back using the side mirror at the slowly retreating silhouette of Sasuke's home, the minute shadow of Sasuke's slender form, and the dust that the truck kicked up as she drove.

Naruto sat up, stuck his head out of the window and peered up at the sky. It was darker now. The sun was still peeking out from the distance, but on the other side of the sky, the stars were becoming visible. He sits back down.

"Hey, Sakura...?"

"What?"

"I'm sorry."

"Forget it."

Naruto hums to himself, seeming very pleased. Sakura hears it and suppresses a smile.

"Can we go somewhere?"

"No."

"But you already missed your show..."

"Don't remind me."

Naruto scratches the back of his head.

"Can we at least take the long way home?" he pleads.

Sakura turns to look at him from the corner of her eye. He's looking right at her, leaning in.

"Begging? Like a dog? Seriously?"

He does not move. She sighs.

"... fine."

"Thanks," he says as he smirks to himself.

She makes a left turn into a low country road. It was not completely paved and the tires kicked up mud as the truck puttered along. The two looked out the windows at the endless expanse of fields bathed in the dimming light from the skies. As the wind blew, the tall grass danced gently, swaying from side to side.

A little over a half hour passed in silence between them.

Suddenly, smoke began to rise from under the hood of the truck. Sakura's eyes shone with panic. She gasped as she tried to take control of the truck, but to no avail. The truck began to buck violently, then slowed to a stop. The creaking of the wheels were audible despite the hiccuping engine and a distinct scraping noise could be heard.

The truck came to a complete stop. The two looked at each other.

"What the fuck just happened?" Naruto asked.

"I think it's dead..."

Naruto stepped out of the truck slowly and made his way to the front. He opened up the hood and the truck immediately belched out smoke. He turned his face away and began to cough. He closed the hood and looked at Sakura who stood next to the driver's side door, waiting nervously for an answer.

"Well...? What is it?" Sakura asked.

"I looked, but I still have no idea..."

Sakura closed her eyes in frustration. She took a deep breath to compose herself and stood silently for a moment. After a short while, she took out the phone from her bag and dialled a number. She pressed the phone against her ear. Naruto walked up, then watched and listened beside her.

"Hi. Yes... I don't know... We're off Concession, out in the country road... How long? ... right, okay. Thank you."

Sakura hung up the phone and put it back in her bag.

"Who was that?" Naruto asked.

"Tow truck."

"Great. How long?"

"Don't know," Sakura sighed.

"Then let's wait."

"Not like we have a choice."

Naruto walked towards the truck and hopped onto the flatbed. He paces around for a moment, then, seeming content with his surroundings, he looks at Sakura and calls her over. She takes a deep breath before walking over, trying to control the stress. She looks up at Naruto who is reaching down to help her on top and grabs his hand. It seemed so easy for him to lift her up.

They both sit down beside each other.

"Great. What do we do now?" Sakura asks rhetorically.

Naruto snickered to himself. Sakura raised her eyebrow.

"What?"

"C'mon, Sakura, you're so serious!"

"My truck just died, Naruto..."

"Can you fix it?"

"Clearly, I can't."

"So why are you worried? You can't do anything about it, so just chill."

He smiles at her reassuringly.

"How about this. Let's play a game."

"Seriously, Naruto?"

"Well, the tow truck won't come any sooner, will it?"

"Fine, what game?"

"If I ask you something, you have to answer, then it's your turn to ask me," he scratches the back of his head, "um, truth or... well, truth."

"That is so lame, Naruto."

"I don't see you coming up with anything."

She rolls her eyes.

"Fine. Shoot."

"Do you love me?"

"Wrong question. Ask again," she says without looking.

She hears him chuckle sheepishly beside her, "... I was just kidding."

"... Naruto, listen..."

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" he asks, cutting her off.

She frowns, a little upset that she was too afraid to answer, and a little disgusted at herself for feeling relieved to have the subject changed. They had so much history, and yet there was still so much taboo. She glances at him. His head is cocked to the side, small, docile smile adorning his face. She shakes her head to clear herself of worry and smiles back.

"I want to be a doctor," she raises her eyebrow, "I thought you knew."

"I did. Why do you want to be a doctor?"

"Isn't it my turn?"

"Answer please."

"Fine, fine. I wanted to be a doctor to save people's lives."

"Lame! Tell the truth, poo head!"

"Are you, like, five?"

"Tell me the whole truth!"

"Fine! Okay, geez. I want to be a doctor to save people's lives and also because I figured what I'm really good at is studying, so I need a profession where most of my life will be in constant study and the pursuit of excellence. Happy?"

"What about the money?"

"I like the challenge."

"The power?"

"... over life and death."

"Damn, that's true."

Sakura laughs as she breathes in the cool country air. She felt better being with him. His boyish charm just had a way of putting her at ease.

"The truth is, I wanted to be a vet," she whispers, catching Naruto off guard.

"Why _wanted_? Why don't you?"

"Well, I mean, I feel like it's probably kind of a childish thing to want..."

"You don't mean that..."

"Besides, when I told my parents they said '_There's no future in that, Sakura,_'" She said as she mimicked the baritone voice of her father, "So, I went on my way to being a doctor and never looked back."

"Seriously? I think it would've been fine..."

"And besides, I don't wanna be stuck out here in the boonies..."

"Oh come on."

"Okay, you overstayed on your turn, you cheater head!" Sakura exclaimed.

"Oh look who the five year old is now, huh," Naruto laughed, "Okay, message received. Ask away."

"Hm," She put a finger on her lips, "How about... what do you think about before bed?"

Naruto laughs hard at the question, enough that there are tears glistening from the corners of his eyes.

"Ugh," Sakura rolls her eyes, "Nothing perverted, dummy!"

Naruto's laughter dies down. He looks at Sakura with a smile, and for some reason, she can't help but look away.

He sits next to her and mumbles: "Have you ever wondered what stars were?"

"What?"

He clears his throat, "I said, have you ever wondered what stars were?"

"Hm?" Sakura looks at him, puzzled, "Well, they're giant balls of burning gases..."

"No, I mean what they really are."

"That's what they are, dummy," she laughs.

He smiles at her, "That's not what I mean."

"Well, explain then. What do you think stars are, Mr. Scientist."

"Don't make fun," he laughs, "Okay, um, how to begin..."

"The class is getting bored, Professor," she giggles.

He blushes and chuckles a little, "Okay, okay. Stars are the centres of worlds that are so far away from us that they probably don't really know we're here. Or care, for that matter."

"... meaning?"

"Meaning, they're so far away that they don't care about the problems we have here. They don't care that the world is ending. They don't care about the bills we have to pay. They don't care about the little bit that everyone has to suffer everyday, the little things that we do for each other. They're in places so far away that they can't even comprehend how little we've experienced of the universe, and they'll never understand what it is that makes us want so much to feel special in this giant, black nothing," he grunts, seemingly exasperated, "I'm not making sense..."

Sakura leans closer to him, "You're so sentimental, you know that?"

He pouts a little, partly because he doesn't understand what she means, and partly because he feels a little exposed.

"No," she corrects herself, "Not sentimental. You're thoughtful."

He smiles, feeling embarrassed at her gaze.

"So, do you want to see those places? Do you want to be so far away that you don't have to care?"

"That's not what I mean. I just always wanted to see those places. To know what it feels like to be completely alone. It's so empty. The universe has so much to see, but there's so much nothing in between. I just wanted to find a place..." he shakes his head and does not finish the thought, "I just wanted to be a cosmonaut."

"You're so cute."

"Don't make fun. I'm serious."

"I'm not. I promise," she smiles thoughtfully, "Why? Why space?"

He opens his palms to the sky and moves his hands slowly, as if conjuring something into the world. He gazes upon the sky as if searching the faces of every distant star for an answer.

"I always dreamt of being able to go to places other people couldn't; other places that people were too afraid to go. I wanted to explore worlds that people here had no idea about. In the old stories, it was the jungle, or the frontier, or the ocean, trying to find the edge of the world, but the thing is, everything is so much bigger now. Forget the edge of the world, now its the edges of the universe, then who knows what comes after that..."

Sakura laughed at his boyish excitement, "So I take it this whole Mars colony stuff is like a dream come true, huh?"

He presses his lips together tight. His eyes noticeably dull as he sighs. Sakura leans in and faces him.

"... Naruto?"

"No. Definitely not," he answers quietly.

"Why?" She whispers back.

He leans back to look at the sky.

"Being a cosmonaut was about being someone who didn't just want to explore the universe. There's more to it than that. It comes with the territory, yeah, but seriously, think about it. The things you must be able to understand being up there; seeing you were so tiny in the whole scheme of things and having front seats to the whole thing, you know? Damn, that would've been something," He laughs a little, then his smile fades slowly.

"I wanted to see the stars, sure, that's all good and great. That's why everyone wants to be one as a kid. They want to prove that they're the best, too. Maybe I wanted that just a little bit... but I think what I really wanted was to go out there and bring the stars home to everyone... does that make sense? I wanted to show people that my dreams weren't silly, or childish, or whatever... and that... there is so much more to life than just... well, _this, _you know?

Maybe its something even more than that, maybe I thought that I'm the only piece of the puzzle here that doesn't fit. But somewhere out there, I know I can find a place... and even if I don't find one..."

The glow in his eyes wane as he stared into the distance pensively, "... even if I couldn't, I was so sure that somewhere in that darkness I could make a place just for me."

Sakura tilts her head to the side slightly and brushes the bubblegum pink hair from her eyes, "But, Naruto..."

"It just bothers me a bit, you know? Everyone is just gonna jump ship, get on one of those ARK Shuttles, and gun it all the way to Mars without even thinking about any of this. No one needs anything to show for it, they're just going because... well, just because. No one cares about anything except going about their lives from one thing to the next. What about doing things with purpose? What about being deliberate about your actions, your intentions?"

He grunts audibly.

"Naruto, listen, I..."

"I don't mean to say that people shouldn't leave. Mars colony is our saving grace, you know. People just want to live, I get that. It just feels like my dreams were taken from me, that's all. I'm not all that smart, or strong, or anything. My uncle Jiraiya's broke, my parents are gone, and this is not something I can realistically achieve, but still. I wanted to go the distance or goddammit, at least let me try! Let me blaze that trail. Let me be special for once. It's just that, fucking hell, of all the things that the world would take! That dream was all I had..."

"Naruto, stop, please. Just stop," her voice hitched, "I get... I get what you're saying. I do. But believe me, you've always had a place. That place is here with us. It is."

They look at each other for a moment. Naruto looks at her with his brows furrowed and his lips drawn to a thin line. She waits for him to say something, but for some reason, he does not.

She lowers her voice and whispers to him as she leans her head against his shoulder, "Even if I say that, you're so stubborn. If even then you still can't stay with us, then I know you can still do it. You know, there's still a whole universe out there. There's a way for you, I know it."

He smiles a sad smile and looks down at her. Her eyes were glistening and her cheeks were flushed. He parts his lips slowly as if to say something, but instead chuckles quietly and turns away.

He closes his eyes, "Thanks. Really. What you said means a lot, but I just... I can't. I really don't belong here and no matter what I do it will always feel that way for me..."

He presses his lips against her hair, "And no, there is no way for me. The dream is over. I won't find my place, I won't see the stars, I won't drift off into that big, deep nothing. Not in this lifetime. We've gone as far as we can go for now, and no matter what I do, the universe won't be waiting for me."

Sakura leaned closer to him and held his hand. She pulls away for a moment and looks at him in the twilight, and for the first time she sees with perfect clarity who he really is. She never believed him to be handsome, but in this very moment, as the last light of the sunset deepened the shadows on his face, he was. It was as if the man he was always waiting to be was just peeking out from below the surface. But she never expected to see so much tragedy in those eyes that captured the sun.

* * *

Sakura woke up on the back of the truck, wrapped in Naruto's arms. Dawn was breaking on the horizon. The tow truck had not yet arrived, and Naruto was still snoring softly. She softly wrestled herself free of Naruto's grasp and stretched next to his sleeping body. She peered down at him as he slept, face seemingly drawn in soft, gentle lines. She stroked his cheek with her thumb and placed a small kiss on his forehead.

"If you can't find a place for yourself, then I'll find a place for you."

She leans in and plants another kiss on his brow.

"And by the way, you're right. My world wouldn't be the same without you..."

* * *

**Please READ AND REVIEW**

**Chapter 2 due out next week**


	2. To Build a Home

**Year 2113**

**Summer**

Naruto walked out onto his porch in his boxers. The sun was barely peeking over the horizon as he scanned through the mailbox and picked out the letters. His eyes were still barely open. He held a piece of toast between his lips, chewing lazily as he walked onto the walkway and picked up a bundled newspaper.

He tucked the envelopes in the garter of his boxers and eyed the newspaper in his hand. He unrolled it, shaking the dust off and glanced at the front page. The picture caught his attention – a burning truck and a few dead bodies strewn unceremoniously around it. He read the caption: "Riots in the Bolivian Confederacy: Riots broke out in the South American metropolis as governments around the world announced the disturbing findings that the ozone deterioration of the Earth has accelerated and the doomsday event is now set to happen in autumn next year..."

Naruto's eyes widened.

"... Exacerbating the disastrous news was the follow-up announcement that only a selected portion of the population will be allowed into the ARK shuttles due to time constraints on the building project. Only a small percentage of the shuttles have been completed."

He gulped down the last of his toast and rolled up the paper again. He closed his eyes and took a deep, shaky breath.

As he walked back into his house, he hears the baritone pitched humming of his uncle Jiraiya cooking in the kitchen and threw the newspaper onto the couch. He walked slowly towards the kitchen, as if weighted down by some terrible burden.

"Morning," he said quietly.

"Hey kid, how many pancakes?"

"They said the world's ending."

"I know."

"Next year, uncle."

Jiraiya's stopped mixing the pancake batter and raised his head for a moment. He did not turn around to face his nephew standing behind him and soon turned back to what he was doing and continued to mix.

Jiraiya takes a deep breath, "We'll be okay in the end."

Naruto takes the envelopes from his boxer garter and puts it on the breakfast table and wordlessly sits down. He notices one envelope addressed to him.

He takes the table knife in front of him and cuts the paper and pulls out the letter inside. It read:

_From Northern University_

_To Mr. Naruto Uzumaki_

_ Unfortunately, your examination scores..._

And that was as far as he read before crumpling it up. He stood up and shoved the papers in the trash.

"What was that?"

"Just some junk."

"Junk mail? Don't these people know that the world is ending?"

"Not everyone knows what that really means."

**Chapter 2**

_To Build a Home_

"Goddammit, kid, turn down the volume!"

_... So we decided to ask Professor Shallaby from the University of the United North African States what he thought. _

"Or maybe you should turn it off! You've been in front of that thing for hours!"

_ "Obviously, the proliferation of nuclear weapons was the beginning of this whole debacle, and despite the fact that the mass stockpiling of WMDs happened, oh, let's say a little over a century before the Third World War, it was much like what the world thought it would be like if the Cold War of the mid-1900s were to culminate into a full blown war between the then "United States" and the then "Soviet Union"." _

"Naruto! Please turn down the volume!"

_ "... so around the mid-2000s, many minor nations already held the keys to mass destruction. After the economic collapse of the great superpowers of both the West and the East, it took one push of a button to start the last great war this Earth would ever see." _

"... Um, hello? Naruto?"

_ "Naturally, we wish for all things to be the same when we leave, our educational systems, our economic systems intact even when we finally reach our new destination, so we ship everyone of "value" that can help these things perpetuate themselves even if the very commodities that held these things together will be all but dust at the end of it. Our academics and our officials, and all of those other people who we believe to run the world will be depended upon, but nothing can truly prepare us for what will come to pass in the next year. We will pick and choose people who we believe will be able to help, but who is to say who will truly be of value? It is _not_ our home the way we know it to be. It is _not_ our planet..."_

Naruto looks out the window silently wondering the value of his own short life. This was something around eighteen summers of experience, but was it worth anything to anyone? Was it enough to face such an uncertain future?

_ "Professor, do you think this war was avoidable? I mean, if we knew the stakes – that it would cause the calamity that would end existence on earth as we know it – do you think it would have changed our minds?"_

_ "This was the very war that nearly destroyed humanity as we know it. We drove ourselves so close to extinction that there was a huge chance that we would have witnessed our own extinction first hand; none of us would have even seen the end of this world. We literally destroyed our own population – once billions, now just millions. Nevertheless, it was an inevitable war. We cannot change our nature..."_

The television turned off.

"Aw, what the hell?" Naruto mumbled to himself as he started flipping the television switch back and forth.

"I shut off the breaker, brat," Jiraiya chuckled to himself in the kitchen.

"What the hell, uncle! Turn it back on!"

"I told you to turn it down..."

"I didn't hear you!"

"Exactly," Jiraiya said as he walked out of the kitchen with two glasses of orange juice.

"... and besides," he hands his nephew a glass which Naruto snatches from him with a defeated grimace pasted on his face, "how are you supposed to impress that pretty girlfriend of yours if you're always glued to the T.V.?"

He noticeably tenses under his uncle's scrutiny.

"She's not my girlfriend," he manages to eke out.

"And why the hell should she be? If I were a woman, I wouldn't choose to be with a T.V. addicted guy that never pays any attention to me!"

"It's not like that between us, she's with Sasuke."

"So what? No one ever said that they're married, right?"

"Stop being a perv," Naruto says as he takes a drink.

"Nothing perverted about love, boy."

Naruto chokes on his drink and begins coughing violently.

"Get bent, old man!"

"We don't really have time to waste anymore..."

He notices his nephew deflate at his words and sighs at his his own lack of discretion. He shakes it off and smiles at him but the boy is in a daze and does not seem to notice.

Jiraiya pats the boy on the shoulder and laughs, "Hey kid, you're gonna be late for her birthday thingie."

Naruto snaps himself out of his dazed state and glances at the wall clock. It's already 3 in the afternoon.

"Ah shit..."

* * *

She's standing on the porch with her hands on her hips, staring him down. Naruto stands on the driveway looking at her, scratching the back of his head, laughing sheepishly.

"How is it possible that you're late for everything you do in your life?"

"I didn't mean to be..."

"But you are."

"Sakura..." he chokes out.

"It's my birthday and you managed to be late. Again. For the fifth year in a row."

"Yes, but..."

"You missed the whole thing, everyone was there!"

"Wait, it's not like I wanted to be late..."

"But you are! It doesn't even count as late! It's practically as if you didn't even show up!"

"They left early..."

"I invited for late lunch."

"It's late afternoon."

"The sun is already almost setting, Naruto," she growls at him.

"But it hasn't set yet."

"Naruto..." she growls more ominously.

"And look, I got you these," he says as he reveals from behind him a bouquet of flowers, "You said you wanted one right?"

She sighs inwardly, "You didn't have to. I asked Sasuke for a bouquet, Naruto. What I wanted was for you to come for my birthday."

"And here I am," he looks up at her and places the flowers at his side, "Besides, imagine how awkward it would have been if you got two bouquets at the same time at your party," he shuffles a little, "One from your boyfriend and another from... me."

"I wanted you to be here."

"I am here."

"Naruto..."

"Is mine better than his?"

She looks at him, surprised. She's not sure what he means to know when he asks the question.

"What? Naruto, what does it matter?"

"It matters. I know you better, so mine should suit you more."

She looks at him and sees his face. For the first time in a long time, she cannot decipher his expression. She has never seen this one before. Hurt. She saw hurt. Maybe desperation. And maybe something more.

He is unable to look at her for much longer, and his expression seemed to imply that he was troubled. His brows furrowed and his lips became drawn into a thin line. Sakura saw all the signs, but again could not read the man in front of her, whom she had known all her life, when he manages the simple gesture of forcing a smile. His eyes reflected something other than what he asked his lips to project.

She bites her lip and looks at him one more time. He cocks his head to the side. She takes a few steps towards him and embraces him. His hands remain at his sides. She shakes her head and smiles.

"I love them, Naruto, they're lovely," she holds him a little tighter, "Thank you. Thank you for being here."

She pulls away from him and he lifts up the flowers and finally his eyes sparkled. She smiles and takes them.

"Happy birthday," he says.

"Come on, Naruto, I saved some food for you."

They walked back into the house together.

* * *

"It's because you're getting old. Look at all the wrinkles starting to form on your huge forehead..." Naruto said nonchalantly. He slowly inched his way behind Sakura's couch, looking left toward the door to the garden: his designated escape route.

"What did you say?" Sakura growled behind grit teeth.

"Heh heh," Naruto chuckled nervously, "Just kidding..."

She notices him eyeing the door and instinctively boosts herself from the couch all the way to the garden entrance. Naruto takes the opportunity to dive into action, straight out of Plan B: the front door.

"You asshole! That's cheating!"

"Says who, grandma?"

"Says house rules!" She shouts after him as she trots out onto the porch. She looks for him and notices a small tuft of hair peeking up from the corner of her truck.

Sakura slowly makes her way around the truck. She peeks around the corner and notices that Naruto had yet to notice that she had found his hiding spot. _Stupid boy._

Sakura pounces on him and he stands up in surprise with her still clinging to him around his neck.

"Gotcha, stupid."

He laughs and holds her by the crooks of her legs so that he is carrying her piggyback. He makes his way next to the driver's seat.

"Good job, birthday girl," he says with a warm chuckle, "Now, let's go for a drive."

"Yes sir."

* * *

Naruto and Sakura drove around aimlessly in the truck, along dusty stretches of country road. They decided to drive towards the wooded area, where the marshes were visible through the light between the trees, just to reminisce about the times they had played there as children.

"They said that people will be calculated on their worth, you know, like how much can you give towards the cause of preserving humanity," Naruto explained.

"Well, they're gonna have to do it that way if it's limited," Sakura said as she shifted gears.

"I guess... Hey, aren't you worried?"

"Not really," Sakura shrugged, "I'm young, aspiring to be a doctor. They're gonna need people like me."

"Ah, right."

"And besides, my father is on the shuttle engineering team so we'd have a special dispensation."

"What about Sasuke?"

"His father is ranking military. Of course he's not worried."

"I'm worried."

Sakura frowns at him. When he turns to look at her, she smiles reassuringly. He frowns back and leans his head on the headrest.

"Naruto," Sakura whispers to him, "You're young too, and they'll need all the young people they can get."

"An aspiring cosmonaut... they've already got all they need."

"Naruto..."

"Did you get your acceptance letter?" he interrupts.

"I did," Sakura smiled, "Passed with flying colours they said."

"That's great, imagine, one quarter of your University career on Earth, then the rest on Mars. Calling it _Northern_ University when the institution finally restarts there would be a little stupid though, huh?"

He smiles at her and turns away.

"Hey, Naruto?" she says with worry in her voice, "Are you alright?"

"I wasn't accepted."

They both sit in silence. Sakura pats Naruto on the shoulder.

"They'll find a place for you. And if they don't, I'll find a way, you'll see."

Naruto laughs at the thought. Sakura frowns, a little hurt that he doesn't seem to trust that she can. He looks out the window and says, "I'll hold you to it."

"You don't think that I can?" she asks.

"I didn't say that."

"Special dispensation remember?"

"I know," he laughs.

"I promise."

"I know."

"Really."

"I know, I know," he laughs again.

"Then what's the matter?"

"I just think it's a crock of shit to try to calculate someone's worth. That's not the way it's supposed to be out there. Nothing out there is anything like here. Nothing. Vast expanses of nothing and still they think they can bring what we've built here. It doesn't work."

She looks at him inquisitively.

"Why do you say that?"

"Everything we built here is built because of where we are. We can't take this," he gestures around him, "– _this_ stuff! What we build there will be built for Mars and nothing we've done on Earth will be of any use."

"Well, that's not entirely fair," she said as she turned left at the fork in the road, "We survived here didn't we? And we terraformed Mars."

"You know what I mean. We made Mars suit us. We built what we built and we built it in the image of our home. But that isn't our home."

"Just think of it as part of exploration."

"That's just it. We didn't bother to explore, to understand. We just got scared and did whatever so that we could continue to live our lives as we always have. But we made so many mistakes. Don't you think this could have been a chance to think about what we had to do a little more... more..."

"Thoroughly?"

"Yeah."

"But we're here now," she says.

"We're going to sentence people to their deaths again," Naruto said with brows furrowed.

"Humanity has to survive somehow. We'll do what we have to do, right? It sucks, and I don't like it either, but what's done is done and we will have to live in the sins of past generations. We'll make it right in the end, I know it."

"They've judged me already, I know it."

"Even if they have, I won't let you go, alright?"

"I know, Sakura."

"We'll be alright."

"I wish my head wasn't stuck in the clouds."

Sakura looked at him wide eyed, surprised at what he said. He was always a dreamer, she knew, and for everything he did he was unapologetic. He had never been one for regrets, yet here he was, with fear, and worry, and sadness, and so many other emotions sitting in the pit of his stomach. She wasn't used to seeing this in him. Despair.

"Eighteen summers worth of experience, Sakura, that's what they'll judge me on," he shrugs, "That would have been enough, I think. I'm pretty sure I already know everything I need to know..."

"... Everything?"

"Yeah, everything it takes to be a human being."

"I guess..."

"... I'm just lacking the part when I learn to be realistic. But the price of learning that is... your dreams, right? So when a dream doesn't come true, it's not just a lie, it's the cost of the learning the damn lesson, right?"

"... so what does that mean?"

"It's worse than a lie."

They both sat in silence for a moment. Naruto looks out onto the road, but soon after closes his eyes. The wind flowed through his hair while he breathed in the faint scent of leaves in the air.

"Naruto?" Sakura whispers.

Naruto opened his eyes but did not turn to look at her.

"Why do you think about this stuff?"

"Don't you?" he answers after a moment.

"Not really."

Naruto is silent, then he looks at her and asks, "Why?"

Sakura stares at the road ahead, not quite sure what to say to him. She glances at him, then turns her attention back to the road.

"Because everything will be alright in the end."

"You really think so?"

"Yeah. Are you worried?"

Naruto scratches the back of his head as he tells her, "I got this feeling like I can't be wasting my time anymore. I don't know how everything will change after the end and I just got to wondering if I mean anything at all in the face of all this."

Sakura smiles a small smile, "You do, Naruto."

He smiles as well.

"Sakura?"

"Hm?"

He shakes his head.

"Nothing."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"No more wasting time, right, Naruto?"

"Another time."

"Come on."

"No."

"Quit being a dumb boy and say it."

"Okay," he takes a deep breath.

"Okay..." she looks at him before turning her attention on the road, "...waiting."

"I was gonna ask... I just need to know something..."

Sakura places her hand on the stick-shift and shifts gears, but as she does she feels Naruto's hand on top of hers. She gasps at his touch and instinctively holds on to the stick-shift tighter.

"Naruto, what are you...?"

"I wanted to ask what I mean to you?"

Sakura is taken aback at his question. She is unsure of what to say, but even if she had an answer, she wasn't sure if she could manage to speak. Her heart began to race.

"Naruto?"

He does not answer. He waits. The pace of her breath picks up and her lip trembles.

"Naruto, you know I... Sasuke and I, we... Naruto, please..."

He holds her hand tighter and looks at her.

"I didn't ask about you and Sasuke."

Her lip trembles.

"I don't know what you want me to tell you," Sakura says softly.

"Would you let me hold your hand?"

Sakura pulls her hand away.

"No," She says to him.

He presses his lips together in an attempt to hide how much that stung.

"Why?"

She presses on the brakes, stopping the truck abruptly. They both jolt forward, then drop back into their seats. The dust picks up around the tires, settling slowly back onto the road.

"Stop it, Naruto," she whimpers.

"You told me to ask you."

"I didn't want you to ask that."

He tries to hide the hurt she caused from what she said, but he cannot stop his impulse to frown. His brows furrow, but he takes her by the hand again.

"You know how I feel, and you know what I'm asking. Sakura, I just want to know..." he does not finish his sentence when he is silenced with a slap. He looks up at her then looks away. He cannot understand the expression on her face and he cannot bear to meet her eyes.

"Get out," she says with tears brimming in her eyes.

His hands are trembling. He breathes in a deep breath.

"Please... tell me. I need to know..."

"I'm sorry," she says as she turns away from him.

The air in his lungs felt like it was sucked out all at once. He sat, stunned. A prickly heat rose on the back of his neck and his eyes began to sting.

"I see," he says, "I'm sorry, I just..."

He looks away as she glances towards him.

"It's nothing, I guess," he says as he opens the door and steps out, "I'm... I'm sorry."

He closes the door behind him and begins to walk down the road. Sakura watches him from her rearview mirror, his retreating figure punctuated by the shoulders which hung low, deflated. For him, it was the feeling of his first true defeat. For her, it was the stinging sensation of the first time he walked away from her.

She opened her window and poked her head out to look at him.

"Naruto, wait!" she called out to him, but wondered if perhaps he had been waiting all his life. She stepped out the truck and walked towards him, speeding up her pace so that she could catch up.

Was it painful to wait, she thought as she observed his tall silhouette, shadowed in the sunset. She bit her lip at the thought, but wondered if he knew how painful it was to be the one to make him wait.

"I said wait!" she called as she jogged up to him.

When she finally caught up to him, he had made his way on the low road, muddied beside the marshes they observed from a distance. She stopped at the edge of the mud and called his name again. He turned around.

"Hey, I'll be fine, I know the way," he calls back.

"Come back. Don't go through there."

"I've been through the marshes before. I'm a big boy, I'm not afraid to get a little dirty," he smiles.

"Let's go, please."

"Don't follow me, you'll get that dress of yours all muddy."

She takes a step forward onto the muddied path.

"Sakura, seriously, it's fine."

"Don't make me get you, dummy."

He turned away from her and walked further out. She grabs the skirt of her dress and lifts it up as she takes her step towards him. Her first step into the mud makes a disgusting squishing sound as her foot sank in. She takes another step in and hears a satisfying slosh in the puddle that she splashed.

She raises her dress higher and begins to trot. The mud is kicked up, and her dress is spotted with it. Naruto turns around as she meets her.

"I told you," he says as she reaches him, "Look you're all dirty."

"Just come back. I didn't mean it."

"It's okay," he smiles, "I get it. I do."

"Please, Naruto. Let's go."

"I'm sorry, okay?"

She punches him in the arm.

"I said I didn't mean it. Let's go."

"I'm telling you I don't want to go."

"Stop being so stubborn," she says as she punches him in the arm again, but she miscalculates. As she hits him, she slips on the slope next to her, diving face-first into the water below.

"Na-Naruto!" she calls out in panic, and he reaches out to her. She grabs him, but he falls too, both of them, sliding on the mud of the slope right into the water of the marsh.

The water was only shin deep, but they had somehow submerged themselves completely. They emerged, breathless, covered in mud and filth, holding each other. Sakura pushed him away, gasping.

"Oh my God," she says breathless, "I'm covered in this shit!"

Naruto looks at her as he wipes the mud from her face. He begins to laugh.

"This is terrible! Why are you laughing?"

He continues to laugh and she reaches up and grabs his hair in frustration.

"This isn't funny," but the tears in Naruto's eyes and his bellowing laughter was contagious.

"Stop it," she says chuckling a little, unable to hold it back. Her hand slides down from his hair to his shoulders, and though he is filthy, and though he is acting like the stupid, immature boy she had always known, she knew the laughter he shared with her was hers alone. She smiled at him finally able to say that she would jealously guard her right to his smile.

"I'm being selfish," she says to him, but before he is able to react she kisses him on the lips.

He is taken by surprise and it is his turn to slip and fall, so he falls, and falls, and falls but she is finally there to catch him.

* * *

They sat side by side by the edge of the water. They were caked in mud, slowly drying in the twilight. Hands intertwined, tight, his arm pulling her closer till her shoulder met his, he leans towards her and presses his lips against her hair.

He manages to mumble, "Since we're here, let's play a game."

She smiles to herself remembering the night they stranded themselves in the truck, "Sure."

"I'll ask a question..." he whispers.

"... and I'll answer."

She leans her head onto his shoulder and he wraps his arm around her waist. A cool wind blows past, but she is warm, so she does not shiver. She hears the slow rhythm of his breath and feels the rise and fall of his chest

"Do you love me..." he starts.

He feels the beating of his heart in his throat, pulsating as it suddenly sped up.

He manages with a gulp, "... because I love you."

She places her fingers on his cheek to make him face her. He blinks in surprise at the gesture and does not look at her, party because he felt bashful, but mostly because he had never thought to be touched so intimately. He closes his eyes for a moment and manages to muster up the courage, so he finally looks at her with twilight captured in his eyes and she gasps at how, for just a moment, she was enraptured at a glance. She blushes and stops herself from looking away but allows herself to wonder at how so much beauty was hidden from the world.

She presses her forehead against his and answers, "For tonight, I love you more than anyone in the world."

He pulls away from her, a frown tugging at the corners of his lips. She sees the hurt in his eyes, but he does not look away when he asks, "... just tonight?"

Before she could even think about it, her vision is blurred by tears, she doesn't know what to do so she holds her palm against his face and kisses him. He feels hurt but lost in the moment at the same time and can't help but kiss her back. She rears back and looks at him and every time she makes her way to kiss him again, she closes her eyes. And every time she closes her eyes, tears roll out. She doesn't know why she's crying, nor could she fathom the reason why the answer she gave seemed to sting her too, so she kissed him over and over again. She just wanted to be close. She wanted to be warm. He wanted to be loved.

"Just tonight," she whispers, "You know why, don't you?"

He nods, though he really didn't know the reason, but at least he loved her and she knew, and it was for him to give her and not for her to take.

She does not look at him when she stands up. He is startled, but unable to move. He was afraid that she would walk away, but instead, she held out her hand to him. Wordlessly, he obliged and stood up as well. She did not look at him as she pulled him back in the direction of the truck. They were leaving. He frowns a little, trying to hide his disappointment, but his frown vanished as he became bewildered when Sakura climbed onto the truck's flatbed. She reaches out for him. He looks at her, with her face shadowed by her hair, and climbs on.

She gestures for him to sit down, so he does. She kneels beside him and leans in to kiss him again. She brushes her lips against his.

She pulls away for a moment, "Naruto..."

"Hm?"

He is not ready for it when she presses her small body against his. He can feel her heartbeat against his chest and the quickening pace of her breath on his neck. Her hands climbed up his arm, searching, needing. His hands against her back, his arms holding on with no intention of letting her go.

She places her lips against his ear.

"Just for tonight, I love you more than anyone else in the world."


End file.
